Wondering What He Wants

Nine years ago just before CNY my bf and I decided to go our separate ways. I blogged about it in one of my previous posts.

We ceased all communication from that day onwards. I know a lot of my friends who remain good friends with their ex after breaking up. I would have liked that cos I may bump into that person again in eternity. So just cos two persons cannot end up together, they can still be friends. But it was not to be in our case.

I was glad we do not live in the same country and therefore there was no chance of seeing each other again whatsoever.

During that time, apart from being sad and all, one of my thoughts about him was, ‘You are going to crawl back to me in the future.’ That thought came out of bitterness and unforgiveness.

Later as time healed, the thought turned to ‘You would be one who would take the initiative to get in touch with me again in the future.’

(This morning I was awakened at 3a.m. again. Usually when this happens, something out of the ordinary would happen on the same day. And most of the time, they had been unpleasant events more than pleasant. It is the Lord preparing me for the event to come. I prayed for a while and then went back to dreamland.)

This morning when I went online before I started work, I received a notice from Yahoo Messenger from him requesting me to add him.

At first I was indecisive whether to do that or not. Then I decided I would, since I have a big heart. The past is the past.

Did I Marry The Right Person?

(Happy 9th Wedding Anniversary to Cabo and SC on 09.09.09 Cheers ...

And this post is dedicated to especially all my friends who are married.

Once again my colleague posted this up in Facebook).

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?"

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.

Here's the answer. EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious.

But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else.

You could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable. .. you can "make"

love.

Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling.

Remember this always:

"God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go."